I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize