She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
