if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
