I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
