drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize