I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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