Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
