she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize