Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize