my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
