I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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