i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
