Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
