I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize