Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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