This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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