Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he just fucked me for my cheese.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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