i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
