In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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