people are starting to question the shark bite story
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
