...so i touched it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
