the condom got lost in my hair
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My ass is underappreciated
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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