Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
