Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
