i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
