God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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