They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
