mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
