i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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