I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
