Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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