Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
