I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
