You're my little dorito
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
