Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
