Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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