my phone needs a breathalizer
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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