Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize