I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Houston, we have a blender
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
