the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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