just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
