bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
