Grow some girl-balls and come out already
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
