There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
