That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
