So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
