i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
