just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
