You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
