two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
