Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
