new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
