Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
