Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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