If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
