im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
