I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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