can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize