i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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