Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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