Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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