Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
