in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
