well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
